Testimony of an x-Mormon

 

I was born 1962 in Idaho the oldest of three. I grew up in what I always believed to be a Christian home. I was a seventh generation Mormon. My ancestors had a part in settling the Bear Lake Valley in Idaho, a place that is near and dear to my heart.

My mom would go to church with us when we were little but as we got older she stopped going. Mom and dad made sure we went though. Not only Sunday school, but there was sacrament meeting afterwards, then on Tuesdays it was primary, then as we got older we went to what they called mutual or M. I. A. (The Mutual Improvement Associations) instead of primary.

I have always loved Jesus, but the church activities were more centered around Joseph Smith and the church itself. I never felt right about that. I think I was in my senior year of high school when I stopped going to church. So then I just became a typical teenager getting into trouble. You know, staying out late and sneaking out of the house.

As a small child I said my night time prayers before jumping into bed. I even prayed when mom was going to have the last baby that it would be a brother. I can’t recall how often we blessed the food before we ate, but it eventually dwindled to just at Thanksgiving. I guess you could have just called us jack-Mormons.

High school was no fun, especially sophomore year. I just didn’t fit in anywhere. God wasn’t really a part of our family life when we were older except for the occasional blessing the food before dinner especially when we were visiting grandma and grandpa. They were strict LDS, married in a secret temple ceremony and everything.

I never saw my parents read a bible, but I knew mom had one. I never really read the bible and I only prayed when I was scared or wanted something. So I was unschooled about how to be a true Christian on the outside of the Mormon church because that’s the only thing I knew so I just started living like the world oblivious to the fact that we’re not supposed to.

We continued to get the Relief Society teachers, Home visiting teachers, and the tithe collectors at the house. Every time they would come I would run and hide in the basement. They  just made me feel uncomfortable.

I got married to my first husband while I was three months pregnant. We got married at the Holiday Inn by a Judge. I wasn’t having a Mormon church wedding or was I wanting to have a Mormon bishop perform the ceremony. We had three children, two boys and a girl. He came from a Lutheran background although we never went to his church either except for Easter and midnight mass on Christmas eve. I will never forget the first time I met his paternal grandmother. I had never seen a woman her age act the way that she did because all I knew were strict Mormon ladies. She gambled, and her mouth was something else I tell ya. I felt like I stepped into the twilight zone. 'So this is how non-Mormon grandmas act,' I thought to myself.

Our children were never baptized. We agreed that they could make their own decision about that when they were older. Looking back I so wish that I would have at  least had them reading the bible.

After eleven years of marriage my first husband and I were divorced. And no matter where I moved visiting teachers followed me everywhere! And I still ran and hid from them..lol.

So I continued to just live my life out in the world oblivious to how I was supposed to be living. I wasn't worried about God or my salvation or anything but that didn't last long because Jesus was still in my heart. A couple of different times I did try to act like a good Christian but that didn't work. I just went back to living like a heathen like all the people around me. 

Then I seriously started feeling like I wanted to know God better and I was on the search for truth. I started reading the bible and I got introduced to the Urantia book from one of my coworkers. I tried to start being a better Christian but I was just winging it. Eventually I stopped thinking about God again and went right back to living like a heathen.

It was when all this nasty covid business started that God slowly started opening my eyes to reality.  Something inside me suddenly told me that it was time to start getting serious and get right with God. Now I know that it was the Holy Spirit!

That’s when I got serious about reading the bible. I started going to YouTube church and doing bible studies. Then one morning or it could have been after an afternoon nap I was in that waking state, not fully awake and not fully asleep. I heard the Father say as clear as day “I heard your apologies.” I felt giddy for a while after that.

Then I started to notice that I was having a renewing of my mind. For years I was addicted to genealogy. I would get up about 5 a.m. every morning and turn the computer on to do genealogy research, write blog articles, and build family trees. A lot of times half the day would go by before I realized and I hadn’t even got dressed yet! Suddenly I had no desire at all to do genealogy. I rarely turn on the computer anymore. I was also addicted to the General Hospital soap opera. I quit watching that. I even stopped listening to secular music, and I stopped swearing. I am still a work in progress, growing and learning.

Through different ministries on YouTube the Holy Spirit moved me to get baptized again and made me realize that Mormons believe in a whole different Jesus. I always thought I was baptized as a Christian, but it turns out that at 8 years old I was only baptized as a member of the church. So, I was baptized in September of 2021 by our nephew’s mother-in-law, Roxanne.  I was actually thinking about someone else baptizing me but he lived in Tennessee. Getting there would have been a little tricky. Then one day out of nowhere Roxanne popped into my mind. Holy Spirit brought to my memory that she was a pastor. And the only way I knew that she had a ministry is because she gave us each a cross to wear around our neck at my brother-in-law's funeral. So I only had to go as far as Georgia and we even got to spend time with family.

I felt so much better after getting baptized. I was finally unyoked from the Mormon church. But wait...was I really? It was just last year when I discovered an x-Mormon giving her testimony on one of the Christian podcasts I follow and I couldn't believe my ears. I learned things about the church that I wasn't even aware of. And I also realized that I was slightly indoctrinated even when I wasn't that serious about the church. It was really heart wrenching to realize what faithful Mormon women go through. And then she mentioned getting your name off of the church records and that's when Holy Spirit let me know that that was my next step, to get my name of off the church records.  After years and years of not being affiliated with the church at all I had no idea that this was something I should have done. So I took care of that as quick as I could and it was actually pretty simple. I will leave a link on the side bar for anyone who may need to unyoke themselves.

I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father and the Holy Spirit instilled in me as a child that the Mormon church was not right and that I didn't invest in it. I am even thankful that my parents were jack-Mormons or things may have turned out differently.

Well that's my story and I hope it will help someone.

Shalom.